S.J.K (C) Sungai Way

It's strange how all of my memory of sungai way can be completely varnish me.
That school gave me nothing but anger and grieve. Transferring to another school was the happiest day of my life. It's pure evil and hell there. When I was bullied, not a single soul would help me. How pathetic and cruel are you people. I cried everyday.The teacher sucks too. I'm sorry but there is just too much hatred.I never expect to see them again. I despises them. You may think I'm that retarded girl who is very quiet and got bullied by a bastard everyday after school while waiting for the bus, I'm sorry but seems like you only reflect yourself when you're talking bad about others.

The truth is, I never wanted to see any of you. Nor would I see the school and having a hard time to refresh my memory because it's just too painful for me to do so.

so fuck off.

ps// Improving your school facility doesn't make you any better. You're just pretending.

Heart don't fail me now.

It's currently 1.48 am.midnight.alone.talking to my blog.pathetic.

With just a booze of music and silence of my Facebook.I'm gone down to my emo mood now.

Facebook.Pathetic.

Content. Sleepy. But don't feel like sleeping.

Am I that pathetic.

Am I a fool once before, ever again?

I worship those who can understand this post

For once, I also don't get my words.

Confused.Quiet.

Oh , the silence overpowers everything.

Half a year has past by,

yet releasing my emotions here.

desperate of finding answers.

Answers that I must create .

Feeling not worthy for a easy path and have no enthusiasm.

Feeling pity for those who deserve this privilege.

The silence has now made me realize something.

Maybe I'm just over thinking.

Maybe I just need more answers.

Maybe I just need to sleep.

I should be happy. no?

No matter how hard I try,I turned back,glance,and walk away step by step,taking every breath that I can.
Unsure of my destination,while grabbing every chance I can during the journey.
Before proceeding to the next path, look back and realize that I'm not the same anymore.

Will I ever stand a chance to recover? 
It just feels like it has been like forever .

Confession of your past

Days and years had past very fast, do you still remember me?

The only song that can remind me of you is sorry I can't smile for you.
The only word that I can think of about you is sorry.

I can't say much.



But all I can say is. Please move on. I'm a bad person.You deserves better.
I'm tired. please forgive me

According to my list of theories, the 1st step to happiness is 

1. To forgive myself

I shall take the next .

    2.To admit my problems.

Yes, everyone have issues in their life. Admitting it may seem like the best choice to make a person feel better about him or herself.

I have psoriasis. Sure,that word doesn't seem to be appeal as scary as what you may be facing now. But , I have psoriasis. After discovering that I have it , I tried to cover as much as I could. I have psoriasis. It is not fatal but it's eating up my life bit by bit.I am very insecure. It is not dandruff. It is not something that you can cure.It takes time and effort. But how could I replenish my energy to take that effort when I'm torn? I have psoriasis. It may be a petty matter to you but it is part of my life now. 

     

The past

I spent the whole morning of mine playing My shops and reading the old blog of mine.

Leaving a few traces of grieve, I find it very entertaining and humorous .

Even a greeting is so cheerful .
I can go continue on with this post now but no.
 There's nothing to write about . Everything just seems so clear.
It was foolish for me to hide every trace of my past.
But it was still my decision after all :')

All you need is just faith

I suddenly have a wake up call.

No, not because of anyone died of something. It is simply because of this extremely moving yet saddening movie I've just watched recently. To my surprise, The Vow depicts the sad truth of life,society and relations.

I can't be sure of my interpretation, but I'd know one thing for sure.

I realize that I must stop punishing myself, waking up to each day thinking about all my problems to such extend of mental agony .

I realize that the world is so beautiful.

I need to take a leap of faith cause not everything will always be the same as they used to .

I need to stop worrying.

I must forgive myself for everything.

I should appreciate what I have now before it become a memory .

I will try to be happy :)

I seriously gotta step out of this pathetic phase of mine . I was not like this. I used to be strong. I think I can get back to the old me. And I seriously don't know since when I become like this.

Looking at the old blog of mine, I wasn't like this.

But this time, I'm determined to be a brighter Angela and will not hide in a toilet cubicle anymore.

I can't make promises, but I will try . I really will.

The theory of impact ;

people need of time off with each other to rediscover themselves all over again.At the end, it is up to the person whether he or she wants to continue the life they have now or move on.

Love,

A

To cherish , To hold

I feel like I just had a spark in my mind.

If I leave you , just remember that I did it under a secret agenda.

My agenda is for you to realize who you are,what you want to be,who you think is important to you and who you want in your life .

Love,

A

Communication

Sometimes, I just need someone to talk to me.

I'd feel happy just by talking.

I like talking.

Even tough when I feel like the whole world is trembling down, at least I have someone to talk to.

It's just a comfort to me.

You don't need to comfort , buy me unnecessary stuffs or anything.

But sometimes , all I need is to just run away from people around me.

When you're alone, you tend see things clearer.

But at the end of the day , it all just ends with talking .

Sincerely,

Angela.

A scar that never heals

From time to time , I tend to recap the past.

From time to time, I bare with the pain.

From time to time, I tolerate things.

From time to time, I hide the pain.

From time to time, you may see me standing strong and pretend like I don't care.

From time to time, I'll lock myself in my room and cover myself with my towel so that I can cry.

That is the actual cycle of my life. I recounts the days when I was in primary school. I was always a victim of a bully I used to sit the same bus with.

From time to time , no one cares.

From time to time, people are ignorant.

From time to time, I always hide the pain from every goddamn person.

And then when it comes to secondary school.

Shit just happens.

From time to time, I was fooled by you and you.

From time to time, I never fail to cry everyday of my beginning form 3 life.

From time to time, I rather keep my issues with myself.

If you think I'm that kind of person who doesn't care about anything. You're wrong.I'm just fed up of this. Maybe it's my fault for being so secretive about these,but seriously I'm just as same as you. I have pain too. I'm that kind of person who will tell you only if you ask.

#Everything happen because I care, I was really down because I cared too much .I said that only is because I was too tired to care and was afraid to be more depressed.It was grieve but not rage . Disappoinment , hurt, loneliness. Only to see that you didn't really notice or something.

I'm sorry, I can't be perfect

People say I'm just being ungrateful, unappreciative,but do they feel and understood the pain that lies between my soul?

Have you ever need to put seal a coat onto you before you go to sleep ? and having to wake up feeling cranky by just staring yourself at the mirror of your washroom. Having yourself trying to resist what you may do that will cause a snowstorm that will eventually fallen into spring? Having that uptight feeling of yourself that the snow will eventually become a melted snow patch? Having everything that you ever wanted and have that one little issue terrorized your happiness.

Do you really want to compare who is more miserable? seriously? You have no idea how it is like to be me.