Memories

Memories. good or bad one. It has the power to deceive one to believe that memories can be repeated. It can lure a person's thoughts of wanting to go back to that particular moment. But the truth is, it's just an illusion. A stupid illusion where if its a good memory , you're remember that happy moments. If its a bad one, you're remember the darkness within it.Over time, the weaker memory will slowly fade away and be replaced by a stronger one - but the strong one remains. The question is when you miss that memory, do you miss the person or just merely the memory? that particular memory.Often times people just missed the memory and not the person. People change over time. So it's not possible to relive that memory because people change, and things will never be the same. So we just simply want to collect memories to comfort ourselves. But the truth is, no one will be there for you, it's just a stupid idiotic illusion that deceives your state of mind. Your emotions. So the only thing you can do , is to suck it up and treat it as a past because your memories will eventually be deleted , even literally. So stop living your past by holding to memories and live in the present because one day , just one day , it will be gone.

You're my whimsical reverie

Ever felt like you don't know what to write even when there is tons of thoughts overflowing your mind?

xoxo,

just love those shoes so much :)

To a better me

This year , I will be 20 years old.
2 years ago , I was having a thrill in national service .
3 years ago , I was anti-social.
10 years ago , people think I have down syndrome.
14 years ago , I was quiet .

okay. why do I like emo songs?
I guess it's because all this while , I think they truly understand what I felt.
Every tune, every melody and every vibe has became a huge part of my life, inevitably .

S.J.K (C) Sungai Way

It's strange how all of my memory of sungai way can be completely varnish me.
That school gave me nothing but anger and grieve. Transferring to another school was the happiest day of my life. It's pure evil and hell there. When I was bullied, not a single soul would help me. How pathetic and cruel are you people. I cried everyday.The teacher sucks too. I'm sorry but there is just too much hatred.I never expect to see them again. I despises them. You may think I'm that retarded girl who is very quiet and got bullied by a bastard everyday after school while waiting for the bus, I'm sorry but seems like you only reflect yourself when you're talking bad about others.

The truth is, I never wanted to see any of you. Nor would I see the school and having a hard time to refresh my memory because it's just too painful for me to do so.

so fuck off.

ps// Improving your school facility doesn't make you any better. You're just pretending.

Heart don't fail me now.

It's currently 1.48 am.midnight.alone.talking to my blog.pathetic.

With just a booze of music and silence of my Facebook.I'm gone down to my emo mood now.

Facebook.Pathetic.

Content. Sleepy. But don't feel like sleeping.

Am I that pathetic.

Am I a fool once before, ever again?

I worship those who can understand this post

For once, I also don't get my words.

Confused.Quiet.

Oh , the silence overpowers everything.

Half a year has past by,

yet releasing my emotions here.

desperate of finding answers.

Answers that I must create .

Feeling not worthy for a easy path and have no enthusiasm.

Feeling pity for those who deserve this privilege.

The silence has now made me realize something.

Maybe I'm just over thinking.

Maybe I just need more answers.

Maybe I just need to sleep.

I should be happy. no?

No matter how hard I try,I turned back,glance,and walk away step by step,taking every breath that I can.
Unsure of my destination,while grabbing every chance I can during the journey.
Before proceeding to the next path, look back and realize that I'm not the same anymore.

Will I ever stand a chance to recover? 
It just feels like it has been like forever .

Confession of your past

Days and years had past very fast, do you still remember me?

The only song that can remind me of you is sorry I can't smile for you.
The only word that I can think of about you is sorry.

I can't say much.



But all I can say is. Please move on. I'm a bad person.You deserves better.
I'm tired. please forgive me

According to my list of theories, the 1st step to happiness is 

1. To forgive myself

I shall take the next .

    2.To admit my problems.

Yes, everyone have issues in their life. Admitting it may seem like the best choice to make a person feel better about him or herself.

I have psoriasis. Sure,that word doesn't seem to be appeal as scary as what you may be facing now. But , I have psoriasis. After discovering that I have it , I tried to cover as much as I could. I have psoriasis. It is not fatal but it's eating up my life bit by bit.I am very insecure. It is not dandruff. It is not something that you can cure.It takes time and effort. But how could I replenish my energy to take that effort when I'm torn? I have psoriasis. It may be a petty matter to you but it is part of my life now. 

     

The past

I spent the whole morning of mine playing My shops and reading the old blog of mine.

Leaving a few traces of grieve, I find it very entertaining and humorous .

Even a greeting is so cheerful .
I can go continue on with this post now but no.
 There's nothing to write about . Everything just seems so clear.
It was foolish for me to hide every trace of my past.
But it was still my decision after all :')

All you need is just faith

I suddenly have a wake up call.

No, not because of anyone died of something. It is simply because of this extremely moving yet saddening movie I've just watched recently. To my surprise, The Vow depicts the sad truth of life,society and relations.

I can't be sure of my interpretation, but I'd know one thing for sure.

I realize that I must stop punishing myself, waking up to each day thinking about all my problems to such extend of mental agony .

I realize that the world is so beautiful.

I need to take a leap of faith cause not everything will always be the same as they used to .

I need to stop worrying.

I must forgive myself for everything.

I should appreciate what I have now before it become a memory .

I will try to be happy :)

I seriously gotta step out of this pathetic phase of mine . I was not like this. I used to be strong. I think I can get back to the old me. And I seriously don't know since when I become like this.

Looking at the old blog of mine, I wasn't like this.

But this time, I'm determined to be a brighter Angela and will not hide in a toilet cubicle anymore.

I can't make promises, but I will try . I really will.

The theory of impact ;

people need of time off with each other to rediscover themselves all over again.At the end, it is up to the person whether he or she wants to continue the life they have now or move on.

Love,

A

To cherish , To hold

I feel like I just had a spark in my mind.

If I leave you , just remember that I did it under a secret agenda.

My agenda is for you to realize who you are,what you want to be,who you think is important to you and who you want in your life .

Love,

A

Communication

Sometimes, I just need someone to talk to me.

I'd feel happy just by talking.

I like talking.

Even tough when I feel like the whole world is trembling down, at least I have someone to talk to.

It's just a comfort to me.

You don't need to comfort , buy me unnecessary stuffs or anything.

But sometimes , all I need is to just run away from people around me.

When you're alone, you tend see things clearer.

But at the end of the day , it all just ends with talking .

Sincerely,

Angela.

A scar that never heals

From time to time , I tend to recap the past.

From time to time, I bare with the pain.

From time to time, I tolerate things.

From time to time, I hide the pain.

From time to time, you may see me standing strong and pretend like I don't care.

From time to time, I'll lock myself in my room and cover myself with my towel so that I can cry.

That is the actual cycle of my life. I recounts the days when I was in primary school. I was always a victim of a bully I used to sit the same bus with.

From time to time , no one cares.

From time to time, people are ignorant.

From time to time, I always hide the pain from every goddamn person.

And then when it comes to secondary school.

Shit just happens.

From time to time, I was fooled by you and you.

From time to time, I never fail to cry everyday of my beginning form 3 life.

From time to time, I rather keep my issues with myself.

If you think I'm that kind of person who doesn't care about anything. You're wrong.I'm just fed up of this. Maybe it's my fault for being so secretive about these,but seriously I'm just as same as you. I have pain too. I'm that kind of person who will tell you only if you ask.

#Everything happen because I care, I was really down because I cared too much .I said that only is because I was too tired to care and was afraid to be more depressed.It was grieve but not rage . Disappoinment , hurt, loneliness. Only to see that you didn't really notice or something.

I'm sorry, I can't be perfect

People say I'm just being ungrateful, unappreciative,but do they feel and understood the pain that lies between my soul?

Have you ever need to put seal a coat onto you before you go to sleep ? and having to wake up feeling cranky by just staring yourself at the mirror of your washroom. Having yourself trying to resist what you may do that will cause a snowstorm that will eventually fallen into spring? Having that uptight feeling of yourself that the snow will eventually become a melted snow patch? Having everything that you ever wanted and have that one little issue terrorized your happiness.

Do you really want to compare who is more miserable? seriously? You have no idea how it is like to be me.

embarrassment .

Hola non-existing readers :)

my life is just getting more and more boring each day a day pass.

Me? I've not been reading as I used to already.I don't even bother buying my dearly beloved Seventeen magazine already.

At this point of my life, I just feel like throwing myself off a cliff and never have to face the world again.Okay,maybe not now.not today.

As tears are still running through my eyes,the melody of the cartoon spongebob squarepants violin signature sad song is being played in my mind.But still, nothing compares to the lovely graceful melody of Bach Air On G String.

That one sentence that will instantly haunt me for the rest of my life-If I live anyway.

That one word.

....why do I feel like my life is ending.

This torment of emotions is just hard to bare.

I need no one to talk to me in this matter.

I'm aint a kid anymore.

I've dealt with stuffs.

But sometimes, it's nice to have someone there to lend you a shoulder.

Now,I just wanna be alone.

right here,right now , right at this very isolated place of mine.

On the Contrary,darkness is just stalking me.

I don't see any warm humid air.

All I see is the strong beam of agony.

After relentlessly going through 3 period of classes -___-,I feel sighed.

Yes,I'm a huge embarrassment.

Xoxo

thanks for the inspiration

Scared and screwed

I'm basically the 2S now. what's the 2S stands for ?

• scared
• screwed

I'm screwed because I'm so scared of making a decision might change my life forever.

I'm scared because I'm so screwed that I myself also don't even know what I want in my life.

I wish I have someone to give me good advice .

where are you when I needed you ? you were never there.

Meeting you was never a mistake nor I sometimes kinda regretted it. Somehow, you've washed away all the tears and pain that were in my heart.Though you showed me how wonderful can life be and never fail to make me smile ,I'll always knew that you will stood me up in the end.Is it worth it to let go of someone just for the sake of their happiness? why can't we be happy too? In order to let another person happy, we must just stand by and suffer? I guessed that's just part of life rite.let's just accept facts.

So far, everyone isn't giving me any good advice. How.

Went to The Gardens/Garden (not sure )

That restaurant is giving serious 10% discount to alot alot alot , I meant alot of people .

1. Vior membership card holder
2. Maybank card holder and don't know what bank also got
3. Sunway Uni student

somehow, I find this very funny.

because I'm 3 of the above. okayyyyy :O

All I can say is that the interior is freaking nice. It reminds me of a person's house. The white piano is so charming.Most of the furniture and deco in there are either green or white O.O

There's a fountain outside the balcony too.

And what I can say is that I'm super impressed with the hospitality they offer :D I mean, hey, I've been to alot of this kind of restaurant but I never thought that a waiter would actually pulled and gently pushed the chair as I sat down .Such a gentlemen perhaps?I dk . I'm not sure either. There's no doubt that his smile is kinda cute too :D , I don't know it's because of the lighting or what.Anyway, I'll always remember his fine recommendation -Honey Lemon Tea.

Mom's
Mine.I should totally ordered the Cabonara instead

So overall, the food was decent.

conclusion: Love the ambiance, Love the service-the waiter =X

When it's time to go, the waiter was standing at the entrance. As my father walks by him, he just smiled at my father, and after that , he suddenly puts his hands 180 degree ,smiling and waved goodbye to me. how charming can a waiter be?

Random pics;

Me : OMG OMG? They got sell here one ah?? omg

As simple as that

I want to go ice-skating. so badly =(

My Superhuman

Hey, I know that you're still reading this.

I just want to let you know that I'm truly terribly so sorry for everything that came between us .

though I know we're still not going to talk to each other, please take care , will ya?

Retirement day

It's official! (no, I'm not 18 yet)

I quited my jobbbbbb :D:

now I'm trying to figure out what to do in the next 1 month ohgosh.

maybe I should consult the rott queen @Brenda hahaha.

One thing for sure is I'm not gonna watch my camp disk. saving it for a very emotional moment. =D

er and no, I was not fired; this is what happened this morning .

*phone rings*

Me: yes?

boss: My supervisor told me that you wanna work till May only, is that true?

Me * thinking, okay.... not really true but since I planning to work till 2nd week of june, why not just leave now. makes no difference.* so i said yes

boss:okay =)

me: thanks =)

I miss my vendor neighbors already =( I didn't get the chance to say goodbye =( =( omg sounds so dramatic . I still can see them riteeee...

ps/ I LOVE FRIDAYS! It's friday ...friday....gotta gotta get get down on a FRIDAY <3 RAWR

OMGGGG what to do for the next 30 days @@!!!

I think I'm slimming down already! wohooooo. wah. my hair is like damn frizzy

okay I wanna type more , seems like there's just nothing much going on my life. so boring

And guess what.. wait for it.. wait for itttt

OMGGGGGGOSHHHH

I finally get to touch/feel/eat/smell/taste mouth-watering macaroons XDDDDDDD

It's something that I think everyone should try it before they die hahaha.

And now, I can rest in peace already haha jk

For you people out there who simply just want cheap or should I say just for the sake to taste it - macaroons, you can get it in Berry's Bakery .

what else to write hmmmm...

I guessed I just cut the chat and continue on with my pathetic love novels ;) *ignore DOWKid

Till then,

xoxo